A Day at the Spa
by Luna Natashi
Summary: Dear Mister Snape, We are very pleased to present you with this once in a lifetime offer: A free day at Deena’s Magical Day Spa! Just Apparate to the address below and present this coupon to redeem your prize! We hope to see you there! Sincerely, Deena


This story first debuted on MuggleNet Fan Fiction under my pen name, Nevilles Girl. I thank SchmergTheImpaler for beta'ing it for me and J.K. Rowling for her characters. I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

Severus Snape was sitting in his favourite armchair, busy with his usual hobby (namely, thinking about how much he loathed a certain hero), when he heard a noise at the window.

_Tap, tap, tap._

"Grr," he growled to himself. He got up and headed to the window where an owl was pecking furiously at the glass. He opened the window and demanded, "WHAT?"

However, the owl, not being able to speak, merely flew into the room and landed on the armchair that Snape had just vacated. Snape approached the owl and ripped off the note that was tied to its leg. It was a piece of pink parchment, with a message written in a fancy script that read:

_Dear Mister Snape,_

_We are very pleased to present you with this once in a lifetime offer: A free day at Deena's Magical Day Spa! Just Apparate to the address below and present this coupon to redeem your prize! We hope to see you there!_

_Sincerely,_

_Deena's Magical Day Spa_

"Why would I do that?" he wondered aloud. He looked at his reflection in an old mirror completely covered in grime and dirt. "Hmm, I don't _need_ a day at the spa, but I suppose going can't hurt."

So the next morning Snape Apparated to the address on the letter and found himself in front of a small store with a light blue sign announcing that the building was indeed Deena's Magical Day Spa. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door.

"Hello? Can I help you?" asked a blonde-haired witch who was standing behind the desk in the front of the store.

"Erm, yes. You see, I received this coupon for a free day here," Snape said, pulling out the pink parchment.

The woman looked confused. "But I—" she started, then looking over Snape's shoulder, ended with ". . . couldn't have been more happy to give it to you!"

Snape looked over his shoulder, but there was nothing there. "Hmm."

"Right this way, Mister Snape." The woman gestured toward the back of the shop.

"Professor," Snape corrected.

"Er—right. _Professor_ Snape. You can call me . . . Deena."

"Yes, well what's first?"

"First, we are going to wash your hair . . . twice," Deena responded.

After an hour of thorough shampooing, conditioning, and rinsing, Severus Snape looked at himself in the mirror. "I always thought my hair was darker than that," he commented.

"Now, what kind of a style do you want?" Deena asked.

"A what?" Snape asked uneasily.

"A style. There is blonde and slicked back; brown and bushy; dreadlocks; long, flaming red, and pulled back in a ponytail; and there is also bald, but that went out of fashion when certain Dark Overlord made it his look. But for you, I think I would go with jet black and uncontrollably untidy. What do you think?"

"Can't you just trim the . . . the . . . what's it called?"

"Split ends?"

"Erm . . . yes . . . those. . . ."

"So you want to be bald?" asked Deena.

"No! Is it possible to just repair the split ends?" suggested Snape.

"Fine, but you'll have to wait about half an hour for the potion to set in," warned Deena.

"Would I at least be allowed to listen to the WWN while it sets in?" he asked.

"Yeah, I heard they have some big story about You Know Who going around today."

Fifteen minutes later Snape sat in front of the radio with a foul-smelling potion on his head, but that did not bother him; he was the Potions Master for Slytherin's Sake!

"For all those just tuning in, we have word that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's diary has gotten out into the public on a popular Muggle device known as a comb-putter," announced the radio show's host, a man with an obnoxiously fake British accent. "And that ends today's show. But stay tuned for Celestina Warbeck's newest hit, 'Wild Centaurs Couldn't Stop Me from Loving You!' "

"I heard her new song," said Deena, who was also listening. "It's really quite good."

"I think I prefer 'My Owl is Smarter than your Prefect'."

"Well, that one was good too," agreed Deena. "I guess it's time we start on your nails."

"What do you mean? What are you going to do?" Snape asked with horror as he got up.

"I'm going to clean and clip them. Now let me see your hands. Yes, I can see I have work to do." She led him to a big chair and conjured up a basin of water for him to put his feet into and a bowl for his hands.

"Uhm, you're not going to paint them are you? I've seen the first year girls do that and it looks absolutely ridiculous."

"No," Deena replied simply as she magically shortened his nails with her wand.

"Good," Snape said, relieved, as Celestina Warbeck hit an amazingly high note signaling the end of the song.

"There," Deena said. "All done." Snape looked at his nails, which were surprisingly clean.

"Wow."

"Wow, indeed."

Deena quickly finished with his feet and announced that the potion on his hair was done setting, so they headed back to the sink to rinse out the gelatinous gunk.

"Who knew your hair could actually look like that!" Deena commented after she dried his hair.

"Who, indeed," Snape responded.

"Well, thank you for coming to Deena's Magical Day Spa! I hope you enjoyed your visit!" She showed him to the door and, after watching him Apparate, leaned against the wall, pulled off her blonde wig, and gave a huge sigh.

"I hope you both realize I've just been scarred for life!" she informed what seemed to be empty space.

"Oh, come on, Hermione! You know how disgusting it is having classes with him. Now it's at least cleaner!" said Ron as he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak to reveal both Harry and himself.

"You didn't have to touch his hair!" she argued. Then, as an afterthought she added, "Or his feet!"

"True, but we did promise we'd be more active in S.P.E.W. if you did it for us," said Harry.

"Promise?"

"Promise," the boys said in unison.

* * *

Meanwhile, Severus Snape was paying for his purchases in the Apothecary. As he handed one Galleon, nine Sickles, and three Knuts to the elderly witch at the counter, she leaned over and said, "Hey there, handsome. Want to go get an ice-cream when my shift is done?" She winked at him.

"Absolutely not," remarked Snape, in a tone he usually reserved for talking to Harry Potter. He grabbed his purchases, hurried out of the store, and promptly Apparated home. "Curse my good looks!"

* * *

For those of you who didn't like it, I'm sorry for wasting you time. If I could, I would gladly return your five minutes to you, but, unfortunately, the Trio smashed all the Time Turners in their fifth year. Sorry.


End file.
